As we know, the experiences of bereavement, loss, and significant change are unavoidable
parts of life. Similarly, the experience of grief in children and young people is very common
(and normal!). However, if not adequately addressed and processed, it has the potential to
contribute to mental health issues and developmental concerns ongoing.
Increasing awareness around what grief in children and adolescents looks like may assist
family, friends and the wider community to be more equipped to provide practical and
meaningful support. Ultimately, a child who is supported to cope effectively with grief will
likely develop resilience and emotional maturity which will be protective as they navigate
life’s many twists and turns.
What is grief and what does it look like?
Grief is the response we experience following the loss or death of a loved one and has
emotional, behavioural, cognitive and functional components.
Similarly to adults, children and adolescents can experience various emotional and
behavioural reactions shortly after the loss of a loved one. A typical experience of grief that
is “expected” may be characterised by sadness, longing, guilt and irritability, with such
symptoms usually easing over the coming days and weeks. Following this, symptoms may
return in periodic “waves”, reducing in frequency over time. However, sometimes symptoms
can last longer and intensify, warranting therapeutic support.
While the expression of grief after loss is anticipated, this can look different from person to
person and vary in intensity. Further, the way grief presents in people can look different
depending on things such as past experiences, temperament, relationships with the
deceased and much more, and our children and teens are no different. However, there are
several signs and symptoms we can look out for regarding grief in children of different ages.
Grief in young children (pre-primary school): Children under the age of 5 don’t generally
understand the concept and finality of death. However, they feel the change/loss and are
more likely to respond to grief physiologically. For instance, it may be apparent that the child
is experiencing disturbances affecting their eating, sleeping and toileting.
Tips for supporting young children:
o Answer any questions about the death honestly and being patient with
repetitive questions
o Comforting and reassuring your child physically and verbally if they are sad
o Gentle reminders and education about how the loved one can’t “come back” if
the child appears to believe this
Resource recommendation: Book – Something Very Sad Happened: A Toddler’s Guide to
Grief in school-age children: Grief in school-aged children is likely to be more visible
through behaviour. They may become more wary of possible dangers or germs, they may
appear more withdrawn, quiet or excessively care-giving driven by fear of something
happening to another loved one. Aggression is also a common expression of grief symptoms
at this age group, particularly in children who have difficulty expressing sadness and longing.
Some children may not appear affected by the loss, this reaction can also be normal.
Tips for supporting school-aged children:
o Encouraging open communication of feelings around the death, being open with your
own feelings
o Answering questions about the death/death in general openly and honestly
o Engage in an activity together to pay tribute to the loved one e.g. plant a tree, writing
a letter to say goodbye
o Mirror and provide healthy coping skills for strong emotions
o Maintain stability and routine
o Sessions with a child psychologist, play therapist or counsellor to assist the child to
explore their feelings around the loss
Resource recommendation: Book – The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
Grief in pre-teens and adolescents: Grief in adolescents is likely to mirror the response an
adult would have depending on their developmental stage. However, feelings of shock and
confusion are more common, potentially due to the teen having the capacity to understand
the concept and nuanced details of death but not having encountered it before. Some other
common ways grief may present in this age group include increased risk-taking behaviours,
anger, conflict, and anxiety.
Tips to support grieving pre-teen and adolescents:
o Explain the event/loss simply and truthfully
o Validate their feelings
o Encourage and maintain open communication around their feelings and your own
o Maintain stability and routine
o Arrange access with a psychologist/counsellor to provide a safe space to explore
their emotions an facilitate processing – some teens may prefer an outsider to talk to.
Advice for Parents
Self care: Like putting on your own oxygen mask on before you can help others, grieving
can be similar. Parents are going to be best equipped to support their kids through grief if
they are taking care of themselves. Make sure you are taking steps toward effective self-
care, whether that looks like booking in with your own therapist, looking after your health and
utilising your support network.
Online Resources
o Griefline website: https://griefline.org.au/
o Raising Children Network: https://raisingchildren.net.au/search?query=grief
Helplines and Counseling Services:
o Kids helpline: 1800 55 1800
o Griefline (18+): 1300 845 745
o Lifeline (18+): 13 11 14
o Parentline: 1300 30 1300
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