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Christie Spellacy

Christie Spellacy

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Self-esteem in Teens

A common underlying theme that I notice when working with teenagers, especially teenage girls, is problems with self-esteem. Self-esteem can be described as someone’s opinion of themself. Those with high self-esteem think positively of themselves, are not as judgemental of themselves and value their achievements. Those with low self-esteem tend to lack confidence, feel unhappy and are highly critical of themselves. Self-esteem is terribly important because it influences our decision making in day to day life, encourages us to look after ourselves and allows us to challenge ourselves so we can discover our full potential. Low self-esteem has also been shown to correlate with depression, anxiety, and substance abuse.

Self-esteem is especially important in the adolescent years, as this is a time for children to explore their limits and discover who they are as a person. If they are held back by a fear of their own shortcomings, then they miss out on discovering what they can achieve, which may limit success (professionally and personally) later in life. Low self-esteem can also lead to other problems like relationship troubles and early sexual activity. Unfortunately, when you look at data that compares across the lifespan, there tends to be a drop in self-esteem during the teenage years, presumably due to maturational changes and complex social relationships.

So, how do you know if your teenager has low-self-esteem? Here are some signs:

  • They avoid new experiences and opportunities
  • They are unable to deal with normal levels of frustration
  • They find it difficult to socialise and make friends
  • Their motivation levels are low
  • They get uncomfortable when they are given a compliment

The good news is, self-esteem can be re-built. Here are some tips that you can do with your teen to improve their self-esteem:

  • EXPERIENCE NEW OPPORTUNITIES. Encourage your teen to try lots of new activities and hobbies. This will help them to discover what they are good at and enjoy. They will also learn that not everyone is good at everything, which is a normal part of life.
  • ENCOURAGE AND PRAISE THEM. If your teen fails or is reluctant to try something new because they think they might fail, keep gently encouraging them to try. It is important to learn that even though we may fail at something, the fact that we tried is the main thing. Praise your child, regardless of their performance, so that they are encouraged to give it another go.
  • BE A MODEL OF CONFIDENCE. The teenage brain is predominately overrun by the amygdala, which is the part of the brain linked to survival instincts. Therefore, your teen’s brain is constantly scanning their environment, studying people’s behaviours, including yours. This is the perfect time for YOU to be a good model of confidence, so that your teen may follow suit. You can do this by being acting confident in day to day activities and by reflecting with your teen about what you did to succeed at something, and they ways you bounced back when you didn’t succeed.
  • PRACTICE SOCIAL SKILLS. Social skills and self-esteem go hand in hand. You can teach your child basic social skills, like body posture, smiling, giving good eye contact etc. You can practice this with your teen in role-play scenarios.

 

If you or your teenager are struggling with low self-esteem and would like some more information on how we can help, call us on 55 207 705 to make an appointment with one of our psychologists.

 

References:

Brown, G., Bifulco, A., & Andrews, B. (1990). Self-esteem and depression: Effect on course and recovery. Social Psychiatry And Psychiatric Epidemiology, 25(5), 244-249. Retrived from https://link-springer- com.ezproxy.library.uq.edu.au/article/10.1007/BF00788643

Confidence in teens. (1st Oct 2019). Retrieved from https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/development/social-emotional-development/confidence-in-teens

Robins, R. W., Trzesniewski, K. H., Tracy, J. L., Gosling, S. D., & Potter, J. (2002). Global self-esteem across the life span. Psychology and Aging, 17(3), 423-434. doi:10.1037/0882-7974.17.3.423

Self-esteem and teenagers. Retrieved from https://parents.au.reachout.com/common-concerns/everyday-issues/self-esteem-and-teenagers

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The Teenage Brain

Last month, I attended a seminar hosted by Dr Kate Owen called ‘Understanding your Teenager’. Dr. Owen discussed practical and useful information regarding how to communicate effectively with teenagers, as well as information regarding how the teenage brain works.

There are two crucial times in your child’s life when they require your attention the most – the first 3 years of life and the adolescent years. However, your child requires different types of attention in these two periods. In the first 3 years, they require you to help them develop basic learning and cognitive skills. In their teenage years, your child requires emotional support and guidance. The teenage years are a time for learning values, developing personal characteristics and a sense of ‘Who Am I?’. All of this is critical for who they will develop into as an adult.

Although your teenager may be looking and trying to act more like an adult, their brain is far from being a fully developed adult brain yet. In fact, the brain does not fully mature until the age of 25 (on average). During the teenage years, the ‘thinking’ part of the brain shuts down to re-wire itself for roughly 3 years. Therefore, the ‘emotional’ part of the brain (the amygdala), which is connected to impulses, emotions and, aggression, takes over. This is the same brain of the brain which is dominant that your child from the ages of 3-7 years old. So those tantrums that happened when your teenager was a child are about to make a comeback!

This ‘emotional’ part of the brain being dominant explains why your teen's behaviour might sometimes seem more erratic or emotional in their adolescent years. The amygdala is on high alert but lacks a filter for reasoning. So, if you have a blank, expressionless face, your teenager may interpret this as hostility or aggression. This is also why your teenager may struggle to express how they are feeling. They could be acting up and you may ask them “What is wrong you?” or “Why are you acting like this?” and they will not have the ability to articulate how or why they are feeling or acting that way.

Every parent is bound to have some difficult times with their teenagers. Here are some tips for effectively improving communication and navigating those difficult times with your teenagers:

  1. Adjust your expectations: You need to be realistic about what your teenager can emotionally understand. Remember, the reasoning part of their brain is on shut down, so complex decision making and emotional regulation are not their strong suit.

  2. Communication: Communication is key! Talk to your teenager like you did when they were 3-7 years old, as they are now dominated by that same part of the brain. Give them simple instructions (one thing at a time) and lots of eye contact.

  3. Body language: Remember that your teenager’s amygdala is on high alert, so they are scanning their environment for ‘danger’. Make sure you have an open and friendly facial expression, tone of voice and body posture.

  4. Calm the body and mind: Teenagers are better at communicating when they are calm. Try practicing some heart focused breathing techniques to regulate the body.

    Heart-focused breathing is about directing your attention to the heart area and breathing a little more deeply than normal. As you breathe in, imagine you are doing so through your heart, and, as you breathe out, imagine it is through your heart. (In the beginning, placing your hand over your heart as you breathe can help you in directing your focus to your heart). Breathe in about 5 to 6 seconds and breathe out 5 to 6 seconds. Be sure your breathing is smooth, unforced and comfortable. Although this is not difficult to do, it may take a little time to become used to it, but eventually, you will establish your own natural rhythm.

    If you find that your teenager is agitated and worked up, try going for a walk or throwing a footy with them. This will help to release cortisol and regulate the body.

  5. Look after yourself: You cannot be emotionally present for your teenager if you are not calm yourself. Remember, your teenager is scanning you, and emotions can be contagious! Make sure that you practice self-care for yourself so that you can have effective communication with your teenager.

If you are struggling with your teenager and would like some more information, call us on 55 207 705 to make an appointment with one of our psychologists. For more information regarding Dr. Kate Owen, visit https://www.drkateowen.com/

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How Trauma Affects the Brain

Earlier this month, I attended training conducted by Blue Knot which focused on how to work therapeutically with complex trauma clients. It astounded me just how much trauma can affect sufferers; not only in emotional and behavioural aspects, but in neurological aspects as well.

So, what is trauma? Trauma is a state of high arousal in which normal coping mechanisms are overwhelmed in response to the perception of threat. There are many types of trauma, such as attachment trauma, developmental trauma and, single incident trauma. The training that I attended focused on the effects of complex trauma, which is when someone has endured multiple types of trauma. It is the product of overwhelming stress which is interpersonally generated. Examples include ongoing abuse (e.g. by a family member), community violence, war and, genocide. Complex trauma has long term impacts on the victim, as well as their family, friends, children and future generations.

Complex trauma has profound effects on the brain. Specifically, the emotional part of the brain (the amygdala) is overactive due to constantly being in survivor mode. As a result, the memory part of the brain (the hippocampus) is constantly activated which means the client is always running on adrenaline. For those clients who cannot remember their trauma, their hippocampus may have shrunk as a result of their trauma. Because the amygdala and the hippocampus are constantly running a hundred miles an hour, this affects the thinking and planning part of the brain (the cerebral cortex) and can cause it to go offline. This means that for some trauma survivors, they struggle to plan and make decisions in meaningful aspects of their life.

Because the brain operates a differently for trauma survivors, they may find themselves being in a state of hyper-arousal (rapid heart rate; shaking and can’t sit still) or hypo-arousal (flat affect; feeling numb or like they might collapse). If you are a trauma survivor and you think you might be hyper-aroused, try standing up and ‘shaking it out’ by shaking your arms, legs and, body. This will help to release the cortisol in your body. You can also practice doing long exhales, which will help to slow your heartbeat down. If you feel like you are in a state of hypo-arousal, try going for a leisurely walk to increase your heart rate. You can also practice increasing your inhale by taking a long inhale and taking short outbreath. It may help if you make a short ‘ha’ sounds when exhaling.

If someone has endured complex trauma, it is important that they seek support from a professional who can engage in trauma-informed practice. The five key principles of trauma-informed practice include safety, trustworthiness, collaboration, choice and, empowerment. A lot of these principles pose an emphasis on giving the client a say in their therapeutic process, as it is important that they feel involved in choice-making and have a sense of control over their life.

If you would like to book an appointment with one of our psychologists for trauma therapy, call us on 55 207 705.

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